Sweet Melody
by problematick
Summary: [Rating for safety.] Notes link together to make music. Words intertwine and all of it comes out as beautiful songs. Maybe this'll finally do it for the troubled couple. HM. [Chaptered Song-fic.]
1. I'll Have To Say I Love You In A Song

AN: Heya! It's me with another story. This is my first attempt at both a songfic AND a chara POV, so let me know how it is.

Spoiler: Uh…current season. ::shrug:: It doesn't come into play really. Well actually I guess it will later…anyway, you get the idea.

Disclaimer: We've been over this. Fan fiction for JAG would be pointless if I owned them! And Jim Croce owns the song I'll Have To Say I Love You In A Song. If you've never heard it you should go buy his CD of greatest hits. It rocks. A lot.

**_Harm POV_**

* * *

Mac tossed her bed, rolling over onto her side half in/ half out of sleep. She'd been fantasizing about him again, and her dream was drawing to a close. (AN: Does Mac have a balcony? Who cares? In this fic she does.) The last thing her dream Harm kept saying was her name.

_Mac…Mac…_

"Mac!" I was waiting, standing below her apartment's balcony, calling up to the Colonel. The Marine blinked sleepy eyes at her clock and glaring red numbers told her it was seven minutes past midnight. Grumbling, she put her feet into slippers and wrapped a warm robe around herself before venturing out onto her cold balcony, a chill wind blowing her tousled hair into further disarray. Her brown eyes widened at me when I looked up at her, clad in neatly pressed dress whites –gold wings and all—guitar in hand.

_/Here goes nothing, /_ I thought before raising my fingers to the strings and beginning the musical intro, my eyes closing only for a moment before looking up at her again.

Well I know it's kinda late  
I hope I didn't wake you  
But what I've gotta say can't wait  
I know you'd understand

He meant every word of the lyrics, and began to sway with the music emitted from his guitar. He took a deep breath before starting the next line.

_/Don't lose your nerve. This is it, all on the line. 1, 2, 3! /_

Every time I'd try to tell you  
The words just came out wrong  
So I'll have to say I love you in a song

_/God, how many times did I screw up with the beautiful woman up there? I always said the wrong thing, or couldn't even say anything. I hope she gets it now. /_

I know it's kinda strange  
Every time I'm near you  
I just run outta things to say  
I know you'd understand

_/Every time, I eventually get tongue tied. When you're close Mac, Sarah, out of court I become a bumbling fool. I do hope you'd understand! /_

Every time I'd try to tell you  
The words just came out wrong  
So I'll have to say I love you in a song

_/Oh Mac, please, PLEASE say you love me back. I finally took a chance; put my heart out on my sleeve. I love you so much. /_ I opened my eyes, which had closed when I entered the musical interlude to find her missing from the balcony. I was crushed, the notes fading until I heard her feet slapping on the stairs as she ran down. I sang even louder then, my heart jumping to my throat and beating so loudly I could've sworn it drowned out the music.

Every time the time was right  
The words just came out wrong  
So I'll have to say I love you in a song

She burst from the door, her robe flapping in the light wind, breathless. I couldn't help the Flyboy smile that curled my lips when I saw her eyes sparkle.

Well I know it's kinda late  
I hope I didn't wake you  
But there's somethin' that I've just gotta say  
I know you'd understand

She approached me, and I just kept smiling, playing and singing. I didn't realize it was snowing until the snowflakes blew between us and settled in her hair, sparkling.

_/Oh thank God! Mac, Sarah, I hope you'll forgive me for taking so long. It took me forever to get my head out of my six but I couldn't stand seeing you be hurt or to live without you anymore./_

Every time I'd try to tell you  
The words just came out wrong  
So I'll have to say I love you in a song

I finished playing the music, the last chord echoing and lingering in my ears. Mac stood before me, looking so beautiful in only a night gown and a robe.

"Do you mean it?" She asked, looking up with slightly fearful brown eyes. I was lost in those chocolate hues for a moment, and took another deep breath, closing my eyes.

"Yes," I croaked, my throat suddenly dry. "I…I love you Sarah Mackenzie." There. I had finally said it. That took everything I had, and I opened my blue eyes to see hers full of tears.

"Oh Harmon Rabb, Jr., I love you too!" I picked her up in a hug and spun her around, both of us laughing excitedly. I set her down, my arms around her waist and hers around my neck. She leaned in, eyes closing, and I tilted my head down, my lips inches from hers…

* * *

I woke sitting up straight in my bed, reaching out at nothing in front of me. Groaning, I lay back and stared up at the blank ceiling above me.

"Only a dream," I sighed, knowing that sleep was a long time in coming.

Unfortunately, that's ALL it was.

* * *

AN: So how evil was that? Just a little? Or a lot? ::ebil grin:: Ok, well, review dammit! If you want more, that is. Next chap Mac POV. 


	2. Killing Me Softly

AN: Heya! I know I said all my stuff is on hiatus, and most of it still is. But since I wrote this chappie a while ago, and it is the next one I had planned, I figured I should type it when the time came up. It's your lucky day since it's a three day weekend. So, off I go.

Spoiler: I think I already said it...if not, it's sometime before the Christmas eppie (Four percent solution.)

Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING! ::cries:: Must you remind me? ::sobs:: The song Killing Me Softly belongs to the talented Roberta Flack.

Mac POV

* * *

1658 Local  
Mac's Apartment  
Georgetown, Virginia

I sighed, closing the door with a loud slam and locking it right after. I hung up my cover neatly, then all but threw my briefcase on my coffee table, upsetting orderly stacks of magazines and remotes. I didn't even acknowledge the mess as I strode angrily to my bedroom, unbuttoning the jacket to my uniform on the way. By the time I rounded the corner of my bed, I'd kicked off both heels, expertly stepped out of my skirt, and was working on my panty hose. Clad in my underwear I put my feet in a pair of fuzzy slippers, swung on a light robe and stood in front of my mirror, reaching up to take out the bobby pins holding up my hair, letting the long dark locks spill around my shoulders in cascading waves. I tilted my head to one side, mussing my hair while regarding my tall form in the reflection. Sighing heavily I kicked a shirt out of my way before returning to my living room couch and flopping on it, an exasperated sigh escaping again. I twirled a brown strand of hair around my fingers uncharacteristically before letting my chocolate hues gaze around my house. The normally immaculate apartment was messy and unkempt, clothes and things everywhere. This past week had been stressful. No, scratch that. It had been **pure hell**, but unfortunately for me, it was only Thursday night, not another lonely Friday. I took only one more look around before grunting, getting up from my couch and starting the task of straightening my home. Stress was no excuse for letting it get this bad so quickly. I had finished all my mandatory paperwork and turned it into Coates this afternoon before coming home early (the first time in weeks), but when I finally checked my inner clock after tossing the last sock in the hamper I groaned. I got home about 1700, but it was now 2000. The 'amateur paleontologist' in me wasn't screaming to be indulged, but I still considered what to do over a box of leftover Chinese takeout. Curled up on my couch with some dumplings and rice I thought the matter over.

_/Hmm...no, I really don't feel like getting that stuff all out again. I've only just put most of it all up. Besides, I don't want to get dusty and whatnot. I already feel grimy and dirty enough as it is. That's it! I'll go take a nice, relaxing, scented bubble bath. That should do me some good./_ By the time I'd decided to go soak myself in therapeutic waters, my dinner was finished. Tossing the greasy remnants on the trash and wiping my mouth with a napkin, I walked to my bathroom and lit candles, poured extra sudsy bubbles under the running water and added some sweet lavender inscence to create a wonderfully soothing mood. I turned on the radio, found a smooth jazz station and left the bathroom to choose something from my bookshelves while the tub filled. Coming back into the steamy chamber I let my clothes fall to the tiled floor before slipping into the almost scalding water and stopping the flow with one turned nozzle. Yawning, I could feel the heat soaking into my skin and loosening tensed muscles before I had even settled down with my book. I smiled, content, as the soft music played in my ears and I lost myself in a fictional world where true love could be perfect and happy endings existed. Until a song that I vaguely recognized brought my nose out of the novel to have a proper listen.

Strumming my pain with his fingers  
Singing my life with his words  
Killing me softly with his song  
Killing me softly with his song  
Telling my whole life with his words  
Killing me softly with his song

The words struck a chord in my heart and I was paralyzed, my thoughts instantly flicking to Harm.

I heard he sang a good song, I heard he had a style  
And so I came to see him and listen for a while  
And there he was this young boy a stranger to my eyes

_/I was warned about Harm, before I met him; a young personification of tall, dark and handsome. No one said he'd turn out to be the way he is now: compassionate, loving, and irritatingly right most of the time. He's the reason I came home stressed today. The General has put my head to head with him for three of my five major cases, besides a crapload of work. I have to see him in and out of work constantly whether I want to or not./_

Strumming my pain with his fingers  
Singing my life with his words  
Killing me softly with his song  
Killing me softly with his song  
Telling my whole life with his words  
Killing me softly with his song

_/He does all of those things to me. Or at least I feel like he does. I've heard him sing some original songs and play on his guitar before. Once I know I head my name...a lot. It did kill me, the tiniest bit, because it was a day - of many - that I belonged to another man - again, of many, and none of them have been him. He has no idea how much I regret that./ _I'd let the paperback fall with a soft plop to the floor while I listened to the song that seemed tailor-made for me.

I felt all flushed with fever, embarrassed by the crowd  
I felt he found my letters and read each one out loud  
I prayed that he would finish, but he just kept right on

_/I've felt feverish around him before, but not necessarily because of any crowd. Granted he likes to do things in public I blush at, but just giving me that beaming Flyboy smile can wash away my bad mood - at least temporarily - and make me weak in the knees. Harm doesn't even need to find letters. He's the one I've gone through everything with this past ... wow, almost a decade, and he knows almost everything there is to know about me. He could recite it from heart.../_

Strumming my pain with his fingers  
Singing my life with his words  
Killing me softly with his song  
Killing me softly with his song  
Telling my whole life with his words  
Killing me softly with his song

_/I don't think anyone knows what he does. He could tell me whole life with his words./_

He sang as if he knew me in all my dark despair  
And then he looked right through me as if I wasn't there  
But he just came to singing, singing clear and strong

_/If he sang a song about me, it wouldn't be as if he knew me, he would know all my dark despair. Harm knows my worst secrets and has seen me at some of the lowest times, yet he still comes to me every time./_

Strumming my pain with his fingers  
Singing my life with his words  
Killing me softly with his song  
Killing me softly with his song  
Telling my whole life with his words  
Killing me softly with his song

All of this was getting to me - that there was some message to the song. I tried to get my head around it while the words continued to sink in and float, echoing in my bathroom.

He was strumming; oh he was singing my song  
Killing me softly with his song  
Killing me softly with his song  
Telling my whole life with his words  
Killing me softly with his song  
With his song...

As the radio DJ switched on and turned over to a new song, I slowly realized the water was rapidly chilling. I scrubbed myself all over and was sitting in front of my vanity brushing my damp hair sometime later. The music still lingered and I hummed, hearing the beautiful voice echo in my head. I was in my bed trying to sleep when I realized that the song was stuck. If I wanted to read into it, on some level, someone was saying: "Trust the one you know best. Love and be loved".

_/It was the way it worked, but apparently we're an exception,/_ I thought cynically, rolling over and fluffing my pillow for the fifth time. /_I'll get there soon Harm, I promise. Hang on and wait just a little longer. Please./_ This was whispered as a quick prayer to a higher power before I fell asleep.

* * *

AN: Nanodaa...POV's are hard! maidenpride of The Little Black Book, I commend ye! (For the billionth time ) ::bow:: ANYway, here's the second chappie. Please leave a review on your way out. 


	3. Breaking The Habit

AN: Nanodaa...here's another chappie for you, since this story seems to be flowing pretty easy for me. Unlike some other ones..that certain MUSES aren't HELPING WITH. ::glare - sigh:: ANYway, on with the show. (Thanks to all that reviewed - you're mentioned later...)

Spoiler: NOTHING'S CHANGED! Unfortunately for me and all us HM shippers...

Disclaimer: The very awesome band Linkin Park owns Breaking The Habit. Though I do have the song on CD. Does that count?

Harm POV

* * *

Thursday  
2037 Local  
Harm's Apartment  
North of Union Station

I sighed, waiting for the lift to reach my floor. As the doors slid open I edged carefully out of the elevator with a precarious stack of files piled high in my arms. Thank goodness Jen popped her head out of her apartment. I was fumbling with my keys, about to start swearing when I heard her always-cheerful voice.

"Do you need some help, sir?"

"Yes," I panted. I had one leg against the wall in an attempt to shift the heavy paper's weight off my hip so I could open my door. I'd been carrying the folders since I left my car and I was exhausted. I heard the shuffle down the hallway before the metal ring left my hand and I heard the apartment being opened.

"Here let me take that for you sir," Jen said before lifting about a third of the load out of my arms. We set down the caseload on my coffee table - which I swear almost whined under the burden - and I straightened, putting a hand on my aching back.

"Thanks Jen. I'm gonna miss you after you're gone." I offered a smile and she gave me a semi-sad one in return.

"Me too, sir, but I think I should go. G'night." I waved and made sure she got back to her apartment ok before closing and locking my own door securely. After kicking off my shoes I made it to the couch where I gratefully sank into the soft cushions. I loosened my shirt and let my head flop back, closing my eyes and thinking about nothing for a blissful moment. Sighing heavily, I lifted my head and wearily opened my eyes. I let out a groan upon seeing the mountain of documents calling my name. I'd worked my ass off this afternoon after court, too, and I still brought home all this crap to finish. Mac was kicking my six all over the courtroom no matter how hard I tried. It seemed like she wasn't even trying, and I watched her turn in a whole neat pile of papers before me. I swear my jaw must have been on the floor when she sauntered out the door about three hours ahead of me. I don't know how she does it...

I worked in silence, flipping through law books and case files to defend my guilty-as-sin clients against my best friend and worst enemy Sarah Mackenzie. She was probably enjoying a relaxing bath or reading one of her various books right now... I rubbed my neck and realized that my thoughts were stuck on that amazing woman. Sighing, I rose, turning to my CD rack to find something to get my mind off her. Unfortunately, half the music there was either hers, recomended by her, or a gift of hers. Great. I was rendered helpless - as well as useless - if I thought about Mac too long. Her smile that just beamed... I noticed it had been missing for a while now. Giving up on a decision, I just pressed play on the stereo remote after sitting back down. My ears were rewarded with blasting music that couldn't be mine. I chuckled when I recognized a song, and figured out that it was a Linkin Park CD Mattie had left. The loud rock music was oddly soothing and I found that my work went by a little faster while I bobbed my head with the beat. Then a new track clicked on and my hand froze, pen tip hovering over a paper mid-word. The words coming from those speakers spoke to me in a way nothing had before.

Memories consume  
Like opening the wound

I'm picking me apart again

You all assume  
I'm safe here in my room

Unless I try to start again

It seemed that all the images of the past decade -wow, has it really been that long?- decided to flood my brain the moment those words were spoken. Er, sung. It was only ones with Mac, however, and I started berating myself for not being with her.

I don't want to be the one

The battles always choose

Cause inside I realize

That I'm the one confused

No matter how hard we - no, this is about me. No matter how hard I try, I get sucked into stuff I can't control. I always come out of it worse than I went it. Like Paraguay. I was baffled on the way home. Practically ruined my career for the woman I love - I can at least admit it to myself now -, only to find out that she's fallen for a spook. A backstabbing-bastard of a spook to boot. And that's barely the tip of the iceberg in relation to our "relationship".

I don't know what's fighting for  
Or why I have to scream

I don't know why I instigate

And say what I don't mean

I don't know how I got this way

I know it's not alright

So I'm breaking the habit

Tonight

I banged my fist on the coffee table, rattling the papers and a mug of rapidly cooling coffee. I was suddenly frustrated with myself: for doing and saying the stupidest things to her; pushing her away. Like in Sydney. It wasn't alright at all.

Clutching my cure

I tightly lock the door

I try to catch my breath again

I hurt much more

Than any time before

I had no options left again

_/If only I had a cure to clutch. If only there was some kind of fix-all solution that could undo all the pain I've caused. Her beautiful brown eyes don't hold that light anymore. I barely see her smile light up the room. The problem is when I hurt her - several times - I had plenty of options. The main one being confessing my love. Oh how I regret not saying anything. So much ache could have been saved; a load off her shoulders./_

I don't know what's worth fighting for

Or why I have to scream

I don't know why I instigate

And say what I don't mean

I don't know how I got this way

I know it's not alright

So I'm breaking the habit

Tonight

I sighed, staring at the ceiling while some punk-rock band sung the words that I had needed to hear for nine years.

I'll paint it on the walls

Cause I'm the one at fault

I'll never fight again

And this is how it ends

_/I want to shout it from the rooftops; tell every soul on the planet. I LOVE SARAH MACKENZIE!!! My dream last week proved that enough. But out "relationship" was fragile, just barely hanging as it is. I have no idea how she feels about me anymore. Tenuous friends at best. Sometimes...sometimes I still feel something when we touch, though. That spark is still there - and keeps me going./_

I don't know what's worth fighting for

Or why I have to scream

But now I have some clarity

To show you what I mean

I don't know how I got this way

I'll never be alright

So I'm breaking the habit

Tonight

_/It's always been my fault. No more. Tonight I resolve to get better. I don't have anything left to lose./_ I get up, switch back to the song and press repeat. I listen to it until midnight when I finally clean up, set my alarm and stumble into bed. I mumble one more thing before I fall asleep.

"I promise I'll get better Mac. For you. I'm breaking the habit of breaking your heart tonight."

(pagebreak)

And Mac rolled over in her bed, snuggling her pillow as a small smile curled her lips.

(pagebreak)

AN: Fluffy ending? And don't worry, I'm not going to be ebil like the first chappie any more...I don't think. Thank yall for reviewing:

Beach chick: You always review. How bout a couple more for chapter two and this one? Eh? Eh? ::nudge nudge - conveniently toward review button:: ;;

Froggy: I'm ebil! Mweheheheh! And don't worry - there's PLENTY more.

starryeyes: Here's more! And there's more to come!

ng59678: ::backs away from slowly - nodding and smiling: Of _course_ you're not crazy. ::RUNS - yells back over shoulder:: REVIEW PLEASE!! ;;

Smackalicious: Dood...you love EVERYTHING I write! Fluff, of course. What else would expect from me??

Navy Babe: Ok, so I was ebil in the first chapter. But not as ebil as SOME PEOPLE! ::glare:: You know who you are...C'mon - this one and the last one were nice...ish? ;;

GuitarVixen: Thank yew. ::bows:: No applause, no applause. And there ARE a bunch of songs for Harm and Mac! I like the song "Killing Me Softly" and I'm glad you enjoyed it. I thought it was a nice touch meself.

dansingwolf: Hey now, their dreams are fantasies. Say it with me fan-ta-sies. The POINT is that they are unrealistic...right? But thanks for reviewing, glad you liked the second chappie.

Whew that was a lot! Ok, now time for more reviews! ::happy dance:: Leave one on your way out, if you wouldn't mind!


	4. Vindicated

AN: Heya, sorry for the delay but I don't have this song on my computer like the others. I've also been busy with other stuff...so yeah. Hooray for another chapter:D

Spoiler: I think we've taken care of this already. If not...then um...oh well.

Disclaimer: I can't sing that well, and I wish I could write cool songs and play instruments and whatnot (I actually want to start a band but I can't do anything...). But I can't, so the rights of the awesome song Vindicated belong to Dashboard Confessionals.

Mac POV

* * *

Friday  
0530 Local  
Mac's Apartment  
Georgetown, DC (I do NOT remember where Mac's apartment is, okay?)

I can feel my dream fading and reality kicking in. No, five more minutes...please. For a fleeting moment, I have a warm fuzzy feeling, and my lips are curled into a smile. I'm not entirely sure why, but I don't care; it feels like I've just gotten some sentimental present from Harm or something. About thirty seconds (well actually, 28 seconds to be exact) later the damned CD/radio/alarm clock **thing** (that I haven't entirely figured out how to work yet shocking, I know) turns on and I hear the intro to a song that's vaguely familiar. Sounds nice for about ten seconds, then WHAM! Guitars and drums start up over the sound effecty intro.

"Rrr..I'm awake DAMMIT!" My hand has grabbed the circular (and pretty small) battery operated object. I'm about two seconds away from hurling it against my bedroom wall when I hear the first lines being sung by a low voice, and I set it down, opting not to completely obliterate the device and listen to the song before crawling out of bed.

_/What's the harm.../_ As soon as that word entered my head as even a thought I was lost in my own little fantasy land. I could even imagine that sexy voice coming at me through the speakers was him it was so painfully accurate. The face that was associated with his name came to me the instant I closed my eyes. The dark hair that I wanted to lose a hand in, the unfathomable blue eyes that pierced me every time we looked at each other and a bright Flyboy smile that could melt even the coldest of hearts. I let the music wash over me as I drifted in and out of a doze; hazy daydreams of strong arms enveloping me in a spicy-scented hug slipped in and out of my grasp.

Hope dangles on a string  
Like slow spinning redemption  
Winding in and winding out  
The shine of which has caught my eye

And roped me in  
So mesmerizing, so hypnotizing  
I am captivated

_/Hope for us. I think it's still there...our smiles come easier, and we haven't fought in the knock-down, drag-out way like we used to anymore. We both have our redeeming to do; done things to wound the other so deeply it's not eveneasy to think about. Our chance goes away and comes back, swinging like a pendulum in a never ending cycle. I'm so sorry Harm.../_ My eyes close tighter in an attempt to keep tears from leaking, but one lone drop squeezes out and and trails down my cheek. I wipe it away hastily, sniffing and glad for the solitude of my apartment this early morning.

I am vindicated  
I am selfish, I am wrong  
I am right I swear I'm right  
I swear I knew it all along

And I am flawed  
But I am cleaning up so well  
I am seeing in my now the things you swore you saw yourself

_/We're both right and wrong at the same time. We're never on the same page; but he always could see the best in me, even at the worst times when I fell off the wagon. He was right there to pick my sorry six up and put me back on my feet, no questions asked. Both of us too stubborn and too pig-headed to see what's right in front of our eyes./_

So clear  
Like the diamond in your ring  
Cut to mirror your intentions  
Oversized and overwhelmed

The shine of it has caught my eye  
And rendered me so isolated, so motivated  
I am certain now that

I raised my left hand, the slightly olive skin contrasting against the blank ceiling over my head. I looked at the manicured nails, then to the bare ring finger. I touched it with my other hand, pulling the arm back down to my chest. I could feel Mic's ring still there; the slight weight that meant so much in this world. _/I pushed you away the second that ring moved to this finger. You said 'Not yet', but I couldn't wait. I don't know why I couldn't - I loved you; still love you so much./_ I'm sorry for breaking that sweet talking Australian's heart, but I'm glad we didn't get married. It gives me the hope that maybe Harm and I can get our acts together long enough to fall apart in each other's arms.

I am vindicated  
I am selfish, I am wrong  
I am right I swear I'm right  
Swear I knew it all along

And I am flawed  
But I am cleaning up so well  
I am seeing in my now the things you swore you saw yourself

I reached over to the nightstand by my bed, feeling past the music-emitting radio for the engraved band nearby. The small loop slid over my skin, and I glanced at the cool Marine piece fitted perfectly to my right hand's digit. (That is what she wears, right? If not, you know the one I'm talking about. :P) _/This is the only ring around my finger for now. I am selfish, I am wrong, and I am flawed. It seems like only he can see past all that sometimes; then others no one gets past my walls./_ When I stared long enough at the wall opposite me, my vision of the mirror and dresser there blurred, but the image of Harm's smiling face only sharpened in my mind's eye; this song was flowing past his lips, and he was singing it to me.

So turn  
Up the corners of your lips  
Part them and feel my fingertips  
Taste the moment, fall forever  
Defense is paper thin  
Just one touch and I'd be in  
Too deep now to ever swim against the current

So let me slip away 3x  
So let me slip against the current  
So let me slip away 4x

My steady breathing changed, and I felt a little possessed when my lips curled into a smile, parting and almost feeling the whisper soft touch of Harm's lips on mine. How long had it been since we last shared a lip-lock? _/Too long/_ I thought to myself, thinking of our previous situations where I'd felt so vulnerable. I could hide behind the Marine facade with everyone else, but Harm isn't so easily fooled. He'd break through at the worst times, or even at the best; and I would get lost in his blue eyes. When the words reached the point of the singer getting lost in that swift tide, my imagination lost the will to hold my mental picture of the man I was madly in love with. He was slipping away from me.

I am vindicated  
I am selfish, I am wrong  
I am right I swear I'm right  
Swear I knew it all along

And I am flawed  
But I am cleaning up so well  
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

My pillow found itself in a choking hug; my attempt at keeping Harm with me. I closed my eyes and brought back his image once more, seeing that smiling face in front of me again. I yawned, hearing the loud guitars and drums that had woken me up fade into the background and that deep voice come back tome one last time.

Slight hope  
Dangles on a string  
Like slow spinning redemption...

I get out of bed, leaving the covers tangled for now. I stand over the clock, my hand turning the knob of alarm to 'OFF'. I noticed that the clock was off by a few minutes; according to my internal settings, anyway. I start my morning routine; coffee, shower, breakfast. I'm on auto pilot though, my body going through the motions while my mind was detached and off in its own little world of wondering what that song could mean. Waking up from the reverie I found that my fingers were smoothing out a small crease in my uniform. The green material felt a little rough, but then again it always did. I looked in the mirror for a hair-check; all pins were in place. But in the reflection I caught sight of the picture of us on my nightstand. He was smiling, as always, as was I. We were happy that day. Something clicked in my mind when the words of the emo band echoed through my thoughts.

Vindicated means just be justified (sorta - gimme some leeway). I love that sailor-turned-lawyer-who-wouldn't-give-up-flying-for-the-Navy-Squid Harmon Rabb, Jr. If I'm going to be vindicated, I need to tell him how I feel. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow - but soon. _/Our slight hope is dangling right in front of me, Harm. And I'm not going to let it get away anymore./_ With a new resolve, I swept out the door.

* * *

Harm woke up about thirty seconds later, forgetting that he was going to be late for a second when a wave of something he couldn't quite name washed over him. Maybe it would be a good day for the both of them.

* * *

AN: Whew! Hope the chapter turned out okay, and forgive me if the lyrics aren't perfect. As I've said before, I don't even own this song on CD, so hey. Sorry for the wait, but now that you've enjoyed, how 'bout leaving me a little something in the form of a review? It'll get me going on the next chapter even faster:D 


	5. Over And Over Again

AN: Heya guys! This is the fifth installment of our little song-fic collection story. :) Hope you're enjoying it so far. This chapter took a little while, but I think I got it okay. The next chapter is being revised/rewritten, so it'll be a little while for that one. But we're getting REALLY close to my favorite chapter. :D So I'm going as fast as I can. (Wow, that was almost serious. ;D) Sorry if some of it seems slightly familiar to the other Harm chaps, but hey, it's all one state of mind, right?

Spoiler/Disclaimer: All the same. What, like it would change?

Harm POV

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Friday  
1159 Local  
JAG Headquarters  
Falls Church, Virginia

Blinking heavy eyes and stifling the third yawn in as many minutes, I shuffled to my office. Dropping the heavy briefcase on my desk, I sank into the swivel chair and retrieved my cell phone, unsurprised by the blinking message of 13 new voicemails. Afraid to get on my computer and find double the number of emails, I instead began planning my attack for the Article 32 hearing next week. Bud would be defending, and I have to say that it took a lot of preparation to beat him these days. Roberts was a puffball no more!

About thirty seconds into my scribbling on a legal pad, I found that the incessant clicking of the second hand on my clock was deafening. To drown it out, I flipped the switch for the radio under my desk, keeping the volume low enough so as not to disturb anyone else while I was kept occupied with the country vocals escaping the speakers. A small smile tugged at my lips as I realized I'd been working steadily for an hour.

_/Alright Rabb! Way to go, you're almost fin...ish...ed.../_ My thoughts trailed off and my smile faded slightly when I listened harder to the song.

Cause it's all in my head  
I think about it over and over again  
And I can't keep picturing you with him  
And it hurts so bad, yeah  
Cause it's all in my head  
I think about it over and over again  
I replay it over and over again  
And I can't take it, yeah, I can't shake it  
No

And you know, for once, my thoughts weren't on her today. Okay, so that was a lie.I never stop thinking about her, but now we delve into those painful memories that haunt me late nights when I can't sleep. All those times I have hurt her, or someone else has, just play over and over again like a broken record.

I can't wait to see you  
Want to see if you still got that look in your eyes  
That one you had for me before we said our goodbyes  
And it's a shame that we got to spend our time  
Being mad about the same things  
Over and over again, Ohh  
But I think she's leaving  
Oh man, she's leaving  
I don't know what else to do  
I can't go on not loving you

_/Whenever I know I get to see you, Mac, I can't ever wait. I count down the seconds (although you've always done a better job than me on that, haven't you Sarah?) 'til we meet./_ I felt like I was talking to her somehow, that she could hear me despite the fact that they were only thoughts and I was staring blankly at my desk while thinking them.

Cause it's all in my head  
I think about it over and over again  
And I can't keep picturing you with him  
And it hurts so bad, yeah  
Cause it's all in my head  
I think about it over and over again  
I replay over and over again, yeah  
And I can't take it, yeah, I can't shake it  
No

_/I can't take this. Not anymore. I've taken it for so long, you've taken my bull for so long. So many other men you almost had to choose, and they've all hurt you./_ Picture after sickening picture of Mac hugging or kissing one numerous boyfriend after the other flashed through my mind and my head dropped down onto my folded arms.

I remember the day you left  
I remember the last breath you took right in front of me  
When you said that you would leave  
I was too damn stubborn to try to stop you or say anything  
But I see clearly now  
And this choice I made keeps playing in my head  
Over and over again  
Playing my head  
Over and over again, Ohh  
I think she's leaving  
Oh man, she's leaving  
I don't know what else to do  
I can't go on not loving you

_/My god, Mac, how many times have I pushed you away and let you escape? Too many times we've said goodbye to each other; too many damn times. Stubborn is a harsh word, but I deserve it and harsher for being too damn jealous ad refusing to see what has been right in front of me all along; you. My choices have always been dumb, seeing as I am still not with you! You left me...but for the last time./_

Cause it's all in my head  
I think about it over and over again  
And I can't keep picturing you with him  
And it hurts so bad, yeah  
Cause it's all in my head  
I think about it over and over again  
I replay it over and over again  
And I can't take it, yeah, I can't shake it  
No

_/I can't shake this. It does hurt so bad./_ Everything I'd done to hurt her kept torturing me; I can't deny it. Then I hear her voice outside my office; she's back from lunch and greeting people in the bullpen. My eyes follow her Marine green figure across the room until she's back in her office that sits opposite mine. _/God you're an angel. An angel I don't deserve./_

Now that I've realized that I'm going down  
From all this pain you've put me through  
Every time I close my eyes I lock it down  
I can't go on not loving you

_/You've put methrough a few things, Sarah, but nothing more that I haven't done to you, and I can't go on not loving you; no. I just can't stand to see you go home alone. Again./_ I close my eyes for a fleeting moment, feeling everything else fly away but her vision in the blink of an eye.

Cause it's all in my head  
I think about it over and over again  
And I can't keep picturing you with him  
And it hurts so bad, yeah  
Cause it's all in my head  
And I think about it over and over again  
I replay it over and over again  
And I can't take it, yeah, I can't shake it  
No

_/Thinking about what we've done together makes me see what you mean to me. You're my everything, but I don't have the guts to show it and let you know it./_ Turning back to her, I can see her clearly, the medals on her uniform shining brightly as she sits in her chair. Light streams in through her window and I swear that the rays of light look like a halo. She is nothing short of a miracle to me.

Cause it's all in my head  
I think about it over and over again  
And I can't keep picturing you with him  
And it hurts so bad, yeah  
Cause it's all in my head  
And I think about it over and over again  
I replay it over and over again  
And I can't take it, yeah, I can't shake it  
No

_/I've been thinking long and hard, Mac. And I do mean to stop breaking your heart. I want to see the woman behind your walls, and I promise I can get it right./_ I'm still watching her type away diligently at her desk, shaking her head to move the short bangs out of her eyes. Those soul piercing eyes that I used to get lost in. Was going to get lost in again.

Over and over again  
Over and over again  
Cause it's all in my head

_/It's all in my head. All the reasons I have for not beingwith you sooner, all the long-winded explanations to stall our talk; every last thing on my part that has kept us apart was in this hard head of mine. But now I'm letting it all go./_ I'm sure I look surprised when Mac casually raises her eyes and grins right at me. I see her lips moving and with difficulty (from trying to banish thoughts of kissing her), manage to concentrate long enough to translate.

'You're staring at me, Flyboy,' she mouths, glancing down to staple a packet before looking up at me again. I don't have a response as my mind has been frozen by the brightness of that smile. Grinning dumbly back I shuffle some files and do my best to look busy.

_/It was all in my head. I thought about it over and over again. I kept picturing you with them and it hurt so bad. But I can't take it, and I couldn't shake it, so all of that's gone. The only thing in my head now is you, Sarah Mackenzie./_

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AN: Whew, another chapter down! Alright, two more to go before the VERY LAST chapter! Next chap is Mac's POV, so the more reviews the faster I'll try to write! Enjoy. :D 


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